In short, Tseng
by LadyNightRunner
Summary: Just when you thought you knew him, Tseng proves you wrong. From what Reno doesn't know to what he does, and just why Tseng is the way he is.
1. Chapter 1

Okay... I got this list form snapesnogger on DA, and I can honestly say that it's been one of the most entertaining challenges I've ever had. The other 50 will follow in the next chapter. If you know of other theme lists, please tell me. I'll do them for character requests.

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1. Introduction:

The moment Reno was introduced to Tseng, he knew life was about to get very complicated.

2. Love:

Despite popular belief, Tseng had been married once. Fortunately, his love of cats and his work had proved stronger than the ties of arranged marriage.

3. Light:

There was nothing Tseng liked better than walking alone in a light rain. The fact that he nearly always went home shivering did not deter him.

4. Dark:

He hated moving to a new apartment. It took weeks of tripping over things in the middle of the night before he had the floor plan memorized.

5. Seeking Solace:

Hidden deep in the back of his closet was a well-worn stuffed puppy. Patches was always there when he came home scared or upset.

6. Break Away:

He never truly regretted becoming a Turk, even when it meant leaving home for good. It was his life; he could do what he liked with it.

7. Heaven:

He is not religious, and looks down upon those who use religion as an excuse for their actions. But sometimes, when the sun is out and the sky is clear, he thinks that there may be a heaven after all.

8. Innocence:

He's seen the two children that live with Cloud and Tifa, and he wishes that they had had more time to be little before everything made them grow up.

9. Drive:

After assuring himself that all of his body parts are still intact, Tseng vows to never, _ever _let Reno drive again.

10. Breathe again:

Even after he _knew_ the nets had halted Rufus' fall, it still took him a few minutes to remember how to breathe again.

11. Memory:

No matter how many times he gets hit in the head or nearly dies in one way or another, Tseng can always go back to the day he first donned the blue suit.

12. Insanity:

The days Reno doesn't come to work are the days when Tseng sits back in his chair with a sigh of relief and notes that it is one more day in which his downward spiral into certain insanity slows drastically.

13. Misfortune:

He had a litter of kittens once. There were five of them, named Misfortune, Chaos, Pain, Suffering, and Doom. Looking back on it, he realized that the naming of kittens should not take place directly after being dumped.

14. Smile:

Despite what Reno says, Tseng does smile. He smiles quite often, in fact. He does so nearly every time Reno accidentally inflicts injury upon himself and/or a defenseless piece of furniture.

15. Silence

Silence may be golden, but noise has red hair, blue eyes, and a blue suit. Its name is Reno, and Tseng has yet to find a way to quiet him.

16. Questioning:

Tseng absolutely _refuses_ to admit to it, but his favorite part of being a Turk is getting to question captives. Question, of course, is a relative term; he prefers interrogate. There is nothing better for stress relief than an hour or two of wringing information out of someone by any means necessary.

17. Blood:

Yes, he is a Turk. Yes, his job involves quite a bit of killing. No, that doesn't mean he likes blood. And no, Reno still hasn't forgotten the day Tseng fainted after a nasty knife-fight and hadn't even been scratched.

18. Rainbow:

One lesson Tseng has learned is that he should always keep markers, paint, chalk, pens, and Reno away from his luggage. Explaining why there are rainbows all over his shirt at 3 o'clock in the morning is not his idea of a good time.

19. Grey:

If he could make one change to his uniform, he'd change the dark blue to a deep bluish grey.

20. Fortitude:

Written on a mental Post It Note: Fancy words should not be used in or on anything Reno will read or hear, even if they are meant as compliments.

21. Vacation:

He was sent on a forced vacation once, to Costa del Sol. He was so stressed when he returned that Rufus tried to send him out again.

22. Mother Nature:

Reno thinks Tseng has a green thumb. The truth is, the plants growing in his apartment are just about idiot proof.

23. Cat:

Rufus found out about Tseng's love of cats when he was still young enough to forget about thinking ahead. As a result, Tseng received a black and white spotted fuzzball that Rufus forgot to mention had been genetically altered to learn human speech. Not surprisingly, 'Fluffy' vanished within a few months.

24. No time:

The middle of a big conference was no time to get sick, but he did. Reno took time off to haul his sorry butt back home and tuck him into bed. He ended up returning the favor a week later.

25. Trouble lurking:

Tseng learned quickly not to underestimate the destructive power of a redhead. There seemed to be a redhead lurking behind every corner, and where the redhead lurked, so did trouble.

26. Tears:

Never again will he baby-sit for Cloud and Tifa. Marlene was having a bad day and finally broke down mid-afternoon. As soon as the tears began to fall, Tseng realized that this was something he hadn't received training for.

27. Foreign:

One lesson he'd learned in the presence of an audience was one he'd never forget: don't mess around with foreign liquors f you expect to retain any scrap of dignity the next morning.

28. Sorrow:

No matter what he might say in public, Tseng secretly admires Cloud. A man who can still smile after handling that much sorrow is someone he thinks everyone could learn something from.

29. Happiness:

Tseng has known happiness for many years. It is a soft armchair, a good book, and a lapful of purring cat.

30. Under the Rain:

Some people like to enjoy the luxuries. He does too, but his ideas are a little different. A glass of fine wine under a tin roof in a rainstorm will do him just fine.

31. Flowers:

Tseng likes flowers. Why shouldn't he? What he _doesn't _like is arriving at work to find his desk submerged in a veritable sea of dandelions because Reno decided to liven the place up a bit.

32. Night:

Unlike one of his associates, he knows what nighttime is for. Sleep.

33. Expectations:

Tseng can safely say that Reno exceeds expectations. On first sight he expected your average goof-off pain-in-the-neck guy with a weird sense of humor. What he got was their king.

34. Stars:

When he was a kid, he liked to find the constellations while lying on the roof. Now, as an adult, he likes lying on the roof of his apartment building and counting shooting stars.

35. Hold my Hand:

There are a few things he can hold over Reno's head. One of these is the time they had to pose as a couple. Naturally, Reno got the girl's part. The redhead had looked positively shocked when Tseng offered to hold hands.

36. Precious Treasure:

Reno has learned not to walk in unannounced. There are few things he claims to be worse then walking in on Tseng cooing over a new kitten.

37. Eyes:

Tseng is fascinated by Reno's eyes. He has never seen someone with eyes that are naturally the color of a tropical sea.

38. Abandoned:

Tseng began to warm up towards Reno when he discovered that Reno can pull off an incredible abandoned kitten impression. All he needs is to have locked himself out of his apartment in the middle of a cloudburst.

39. Dreams:

Back when he was contemplating becoming a Turk, he had dreams of what it would be like. Most of them involved being something of a hero and rescuing a beautiful woman who immediately fell in love with him. In reality, the sneaking around and lack of hero-worship is much better, and he now knows that he'd rather not have a flock of adoring damsels anyway.

40. Rated:

Depending on how the day is going, Reno's language earns a rating between PG and R. Tseng has yet to hear him at a level that can be rated as G.

41. Teamwork:

The problem with being the head of a team is that when the teamwork doesn't work out and something goes wrong, he is the one who has to tell the President.

42. Standing Still:

Tseng likes to people-watch. There is nothing as amusing as standing still by the wall in a public place and observing the masses of humanity around him.

43. Dying:

There were times when Tseng wondered what dying was like. Then he got the phone call saying Reno had been shot (in the arm, but that was beside the point). His heart stopped. _Oh_, said a little part of his brain. _This is what it's like._

44. Two Roads:

There are two roads to home. One is as close to a straight route as you can get in Midgar. The other detours to a quiet little café where he is simply Tseng, a quiet man looking for dinner before he goes home.

45. Illusion:

He has never entertained illusions of grandeur. Being the equivalent of one of the corporate assassins in the cheesy movies Reno likes to watch is much more fun.

46. Family:

He no longer regrets choosing ShinRa and the Turks. The family he left is nothing compared to the one he has now.

47. Creation:

Reno is a _disaster_ in the kitchen. The last time Tseng landed himself in the hospital, a certain well-meaning redhead presented his boss with his latest creation. Tseng managed to eat every single bite.

48. Childhood:

On days that have involved the more entertaining aspects of his profession, Tseng notes that he is having more fun now than he did during the entirety of his childhood. The explosions are _real_ now.

49. Stripes:

No, Reno. Stripes and plaid do _not_ go together, even when _you_ wear them. Go put your suit on. _Now_.

50. Breaking the Rules:

The only thing missing from this job is the thrilling rush that comes from breaking the rules. Being a Turk means that there aren't that many rules to break. Pity.


	2. Chapter 2

Here are the other 50. Like them?

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51. Sport:

Tseng nearly died when Reno got his hands on a yearbook from his freshman year in high school. His growing up had not been particularly graceful, and a little over six feet of stork-like arms and legs are not hard to pick out in the swim-team group photo.

52. Deep in Thought:

There are advantages to being an intellectual. When he sits quietly by himself, apparently contemplating something, he is usually asleep behind his sunglasses.

53. Keeping a Secret:

Of course he can keep a secret. He is a Turk, isn't he? However…if the secret involves blackmail within the Turks…

54. Tower:

Tseng is quite skilled at building card towers. Reno is quite skilled at knocking them over.

55. Waiting:

The most exciting moments he can think of involve waiting for the timer to go off when there is something sweet and full of chocolate in the oven.

56. Danger Ahead:

Reno has a passion for making signs. There is one on nearly every door Reno has access to. The one on Tseng's says 'Danger Ahead'.

57. Sacrifice:

He knows the meaning of sacrifice. It means giving up something for a reason. To him, it means being willing to take a bullet for any one of his Turks.

58. Kick in the Head:

When Reno asks a stupid question, drops a pot of coffee, nearly strangles himself with his tie, or answers the phone with a cheery 'City Morgue!', Tseng honestly believes that a swift kick in the head would do Reno a world of good.

59. No Way Out

His greatest fear is to be locked in a glass box with no way out while everyone he holds dear is slaughtered.

60. Rejection:

Tseng has memorized the signs of rejection: Reno will walk in even scruffier than usual (or immaculately groomed, if it was really bad), drop into his chair, and begin to methodically bang his forehead against his desktop until Tseng comes over with a cup of hot coffee and a good lecture.

61. Fairy Tale:

Tseng hates the codenames they have to use from time to time. After being dubbed _Tinkerbell_ for reasons unknown, he also hates Reno's unparalleled memory for fairy tales.

62. Magic:

Of course he believes in magic! What else would you call the blissful silence that accompanies Reno's naps?

63. Do Not Disturb:

Hanging such a sign is pointless. Reno will always come to see _why_ Tseng must not be disturbed.

64. Multitasking:

Another one of Tseng's numerous talents is multitasking; he can sort mail, drink coffee, kick Reno in the shins, and pray for lightning to strike at the same time.

65. Horror:

He _hates_ horror movies. Life is scary enough, and he has a disturbing tendency to reach for his gun whenever the killer appears.

66. Traps:

He will never forget the day Reno learned how to tie a snare knot. Tseng was continually walking into ankle-grabbing traps of the sort usually used to capture small rabbits.

67. Playing the Melody:

One of the things Tseng _cannot_ do is carry a tune. Even if he tries. With a bucket. The only remotely musical thing he can do is sing in the shower, and Reno says even _that_ is terrible.

68. Hero:

Reno is Tseng's hero. There is something to admire about a man who can work at what Reno does and still be that happy.

69. Annoyance:

Tape recorder: $15. Background music soundtrack: $20. Reprogramming Reno's cell phone: $5 and 2 hours. Seeing the look on Reno's face when his ringtone is Tseng singing 'Kiss the Girl': Priceless. Listening to Reno screaming about 'that disgustingly annoying example of bad shower singing': Even better.

70. 67:

There are currently four Turks and one ShinRa president in the Turks' office. Tseng still doesn't understand how Reno can be causing _only_ 67 of the noise, chaos, and general madness in the room.

71. Obsession:

Reno says Tseng is obsessed. Tseng says otherwise. _He _doesn't know every single RENT song by heart.

72. Mischief Managed:

If Tseng hears the words 'mischief managed' one more time, he is going to pack Reno into a _very _small box and ship him to JK Rowling. He's sure they will have a marvelous time coming up with other irritating ways of indicating that they are finished with something.

73. I Can't:

Tseng has always been a firm believer in never admitting defeat, but he has done so once. It was right after the tower went down and the Turks were saddled with the task of protecting and caring for a seriously injured Rufus Shinra, who fully accepted the fact that it was not what they'd signed up for. He was the first to say, "Sir, I can't leave now anymore than I could when you came into power."

74. Are you Challenging Me?

These are the words Reno _never_ wants to hear on a Monday morning when he's in a bad mood and has said something he probably shouldn't have concerning Tseng's combat skills.

75. Mirror:

Mirror, mirror, on the wall…who is the scariest Turk of them all?

76. Broken Pieces:

After the tower went down, Tseng took a deep breath, dusted himself off, and turned to help Rufus pick up the scattered pieces of his broken life.

77. Test:

One thing Reno can do that nobody else can: test Tseng's patience until he snaps and attempts to beat Reno with the nearest solid object, then live to tell the tale. Repeatedly.

78. Drink:

Reno, who can out-drink just about anyone, assumed that Tseng would at least put up a decent effort in a drinking contest. Imagine his surprise when he discovered that Tseng's favorite drink is pomegranate juice.

79. Starvation:

Tseng has never known true physical hunger, but there was a time in his life, before ShinRa, when he was starving for acceptance.

80. Words:

There are few words that will stop his heart and tighten his throat. The worst of them is 'suicide', and he prays he will never hear it in the same sentence as the name of anyone he holds dear.

81. Pen and Paper:

Ah, the standard weapons of the office…paper-airplanes that nose-dive into Tseng's coffee, and the pens he throws back that are almost guaranteed to go right through the head of one of the characters on the comics page Reno is reading.

82. Can you hear me?:

When he took a baseball bat to the skull, the first thing he remembers hearing afterwards was Reno's voice saying, "Can you hear me?" His response was: "Of course I can hear you, you moron." Tseng doesn't like having a headache. It makes him cranky.

83. Heal:

Everything takes time to heal, but he thought he'd die laughing before Reno got the cast off his leg and stopped hopping around the office.

84. Out Cold:

Tseng was utterly mortified when, during a lesson in hand-to-hand, one of Rufus' punches went wild and got him right in the side of the head. It knocked him off balance, he fell, and his head hit the floor. He was out cold for ten minutes, during which time Rufus panicked, equally worried about the extent of Tseng's injury and just how much trouble he was going to be in.

85. Spiral:

He is a secret fan of those wind-catchers shaped like a spiral. He can watch them spin for _ages_ and never tire of it.

86. Seeing Red:

Tseng sees red every day. He does not, however, have anger issues. The red he sees is firmly rooted in Reno's skull. Reno _definitely_ has issues. Just not of the anger-management kind.

87. Food:

Tseng will never admit it, but food fights are _fun_.

88. Pain:

There is such a thing as good pain. It's the kind that comes from a wound gotten defending a friend or loved one, and it reminds him just how much he loves being alive and having these people with him.

89. Through the Fire:

Tseng never would have believed it possible, but he was there when Reno ran through heavy fire from half a dozen mercenaries without cover and emerged alive, in one piece, and carrying the little girl that had been in the way.

90. Triangle:

Triangles have always annoyed him. They conjure up too many memories of elementary school music class, and the only instrument the teacher said he was any good at playing.

91. Drowning:

He will never forget the time he fell through the ice when Reno was teaching him how to skate. It is the closest he has ever come to drowning, and he hopes it never happens again.

92. All that I Have:

When he sat down and thought about it one day after the Jenova fiasco, he came up with only a handful of _things_ he is truly attached to. _All that I have,_ he thought_, is my gun, my body, my cats, Patches, and my photo album._

93. Give Up:

He hates losing, and he hates giving up, but there isn't much he can do when he's being slaughtered in a game of poker.

94. Last Hope:

Although most people would be worried, he always knows that he is in good hands when Reno is his last hope.

Advertisement:

He prefers to share his apartment and bed with his cats, but after an embarrassing night of being asked out by what seemed to be every eligible person of _either_ sex at Reno's favorite club, he is trying to figure out what it is that a blue suit advertises to the general public, because it most certainly isn't what he thought.

In the Storm:

There are few things worse than being seasick when he can see the storm clouds building and he knows that it's only going to get worse when they are actually _in_ the storm.

Safety First:

Yes, Reno, safety first. Stop a minute and think about what a gun or mag-rod could do if it went off on your belt.

Puzzle:

Tseng_ loves _puzzles. Even more so, he loves chasing his cats and occasionally Reno around the apartment when there is a serious danger of one of his puzzle pieces being eaten.

Solitude:

It is impossible to find this as long as there are people like Reno in the world, but locking himself in the third-floor broom closet comes pretty darn close.

100. Relaxation:

Rest and Relaxation…also known as Yoga and Sunbathing…but don't tell Reno that.


End file.
